I went to bed on the 23rd with the same concern that I'd had many nights. Would Dad make it through the night? I woke up around 1:00 and checked my phone and no one had tried to call or text me and the sibling feed didn't have any notifications so I went back to sleep.
At 4:00 Haylee came into my room saying my name over and over and telling me that Rick was on the phone and needed to talk to me. I was groggy and to be honest I didn't think right away why he would be calling. It was actually really nice to hear Rick's voice, I don't get to hear it very often living far away. He told me he had been trying for a while to get a hold of me. Being grateful it was Rick and enjoying hearing his voice all of a sudden turned to sadness when he said that, "Dad passed away." Haylee couldn't hear what Rick was saying but automatically knew and put her head on my chest as I laid in bed and hugged me and started crying. I don't remember anything else he said. Once we hung up I laid in my bed for a few minutes then I couldn't stand sitting in the dark any longer and had to get out of my room. All I wanted to do was sit by the Christmas tree. So I went to the family room and turned on the tree lights and sat there. I felt so many emotions. RELIEVED my Dad was done suffering and thrilled thinking about the reunion that was happening! But then trying to wrap my mind about what does this even mean? My mortal mind can't even understand death. How is a person here and then gone??? Dale and Haylee joined me and then Jesse came down and we all just sat and were sad. While sitting there I actually knew my Dad was there with us. I even know where he was sitting, in the chair next to the piano. I didn't see him with my eyes but I knew. I didn't say a word to the family but he knew our sadness and came to give comfort.
While sitting and enjoying the tree Megan texted me that she was with Dad and reading to him our Gratbook entries. Mom was ok having the funeral home come pick him up right away but Megan asked to wait until morning. She sat with him all night. I'm so grateful for her and thinking to read our entries to him. I learned through texting her that Mom had said a prayer around midnight that she was ok if God took him. Dad died an hour later with Megan by his side. I truly feel like he wanted that experience with his baby girl. How grateful I am she was there and Dad wanted her to be the one holding him as he took his last breath.
She also sent this sweet picture of Mom saying goodbye.
Dale started asking me tons of questions... How we tell all the kids? We must get on the road tomorrow on Christmas Day so when should we have Christmas? I was so numb I couldn't make any of those decisions. Then in all our sadness Madi came in the room half asleep and saying she heard Sam talking about how is 20th birthday was going to suck! (basically still asleep) Then she says "Wait, why are you all up?' "This is the longest day of the year why are you all up so early and making it last longer?" We all busted up laughing. It still makes me laugh through my tears as I type it!
Then Madi realized why we would all be up and it all become sad again and she sat by me and cried as well. She and I both knew it was coming but it doesn't make it any less sad. Then we had to decide what the plan will be. I had the crazy idea to wake the kids up and say that Santa came early and have an amazing Christmas full of joy and then tell them. Dale said that was an AWFUL idea. Now that I look back I agree but at the time I was just trying to put off having to tell them as long as I could.
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The decision was made that we would wake them up one by one and I would tell them and keep them all upstairs. When everyone had processed we would then tell them that Santa knew our situation and he came early because he knew we would be on the road tomorrow. Jesse and Haylee and I would fly out on Christmas Day. All I could think of was I needed to get to my mom and be with her. I really needed to hug her.
The decision was made that we would wake them up one by one and I would tell them and keep them all upstairs. When everyone had processed we would then tell them that Santa knew our situation and he came early because he knew we would be on the road tomorrow. Jesse and Haylee and I would fly out on Christmas Day. All I could think of was I needed to get to my mom and be with her. I really needed to hug her.
Dale felt so strongly that they should leave on Christmas. I felt like he was jumping the gun a bit. But I just trusted him and didn’t fight him. I’m so glad he was in charge of the details. A huge storm came in to Dallas the day after Christmas all flights were cancelled and roads closed. They would not have been able to leave and they would have missed the viewing.
Haylee, Jesse, and Madi were amazing and picked up the house and completely set out Christmas. Miraculously I had all my wrapping all done. I only had 4 small gifts to wrap. So Christmas was ready and it was time to tell the kids.
I woke up Ben first. He said, "Why are you waking me up?" "Did Papa Tom die?" "Please don't tell me that." "Please don't tell me that." I didn't even ever have to tell him. My almost 12 year old climbed in my lap and I just held him as he sobbed.
All of that woke Sam up but he headed to the family room right outside his bedroom where everyone was sitting. He didn't cry but looked sad.
Now I had to tell Hannah. As soon as I woke her she sat up in bed on her knees and hugged me. As we hugged I told her.
Telling my kids about their Papa Tom passing away is one of the hardest jobs I've ever done as a their mother. Oh how they love him and this all hurts.
We sat in the family room for a while and the tears just flowed. When everyone had caught their breath we then made the announcement that Santa had come and it was actually going to be Christmas today! That brought smiles to everyone! We all headed downstairs. At this point we had told Mickayla and Steven so they were facetiming with us. Mickayla didn't want to be away from us all day. We all were in Texas having Christmas and grieving together and she was in Pocatello and she just needed to be with us. First all the kids opened their new pajamas and put them on then Christmas began. I feel like Dad loved that we had Christmas early and the saddest day ever was also so happy with opening gifts. We had our traditional Christmas breakfast with some delicious sour dough bread.
It was a crazy wonderful day. I made breakfast, did many loads of laundry, packed all the kids, cleaned up Christmas, and made Christmas dinner. All along with talking to my siblings and Mom about funeral plans and I also made FB post that Dad had passed away. I don't know how I did it all. I do know I could not have done it without Haylee and Jesse. Jesse especially. He knew I was drowning with so much to do and helped me so much. They were both so helpful! Karen stopped by with beautiful flowers and card and Jesse and Rebecca Campbell stopped by as well and brought Courtney.
When communicating with my siblings many were worried about Becky, Dad passed on Christmas Eve but it was also her birthday. Her reply was beautiful. She said, "Grateful he's at peace and I'm kind of honored I get to share my birthday with his homecoming day. He's the first to meet my son."
I woke up Ben first. He said, "Why are you waking me up?" "Did Papa Tom die?" "Please don't tell me that." "Please don't tell me that." I didn't even ever have to tell him. My almost 12 year old climbed in my lap and I just held him as he sobbed.
All of that woke Sam up but he headed to the family room right outside his bedroom where everyone was sitting. He didn't cry but looked sad.
Now I had to tell Hannah. As soon as I woke her she sat up in bed on her knees and hugged me. As we hugged I told her.
Telling my kids about their Papa Tom passing away is one of the hardest jobs I've ever done as a their mother. Oh how they love him and this all hurts.
We sat in the family room for a while and the tears just flowed. When everyone had caught their breath we then made the announcement that Santa had come and it was actually going to be Christmas today! That brought smiles to everyone! We all headed downstairs. At this point we had told Mickayla and Steven so they were facetiming with us. Mickayla didn't want to be away from us all day. We all were in Texas having Christmas and grieving together and she was in Pocatello and she just needed to be with us. First all the kids opened their new pajamas and put them on then Christmas began. I feel like Dad loved that we had Christmas early and the saddest day ever was also so happy with opening gifts. We had our traditional Christmas breakfast with some delicious sour dough bread.
It was a crazy wonderful day. I made breakfast, did many loads of laundry, packed all the kids, cleaned up Christmas, and made Christmas dinner. All along with talking to my siblings and Mom about funeral plans and I also made FB post that Dad had passed away. I don't know how I did it all. I do know I could not have done it without Haylee and Jesse. Jesse especially. He knew I was drowning with so much to do and helped me so much. They were both so helpful! Karen stopped by with beautiful flowers and card and Jesse and Rebecca Campbell stopped by as well and brought Courtney.
When communicating with my siblings many were worried about Becky, Dad passed on Christmas Eve but it was also her birthday. Her reply was beautiful. She said, "Grateful he's at peace and I'm kind of honored I get to share my birthday with his homecoming day. He's the first to meet my son."
On the phone call we could all see each other thanks to FB messenger. Rick kept using the snap chat feature that lets your face become something else. So sometimes he was a deer, or a dinosaur, or Santa Claus. We were all so sad but Rick kept it light and I was grateful. Of course I was annoyed as well because I have Dad in me but laughing felt really nice. It also meant the world to me that Rick offered to have us stay at his home when I said I needed a place to stay.
Mickayla stayed on the phone all day. It was wonderful but the down side was I'm the picture taker and she was always on my phone so we have no pictures of Christmas Eve. The only one I got was this one of the kids in their new pajamas by the tree. The kids did do their traditional family program for us which was awesome! Hopefully I’ll be able to down load that!
Mickayla stayed on the phone all day. It was wonderful but the down side was I'm the picture taker and she was always on my phone so we have no pictures of Christmas Eve. The only one I got was this one of the kids in their new pajamas by the tree. The kids did do their traditional family program for us which was awesome! Hopefully I’ll be able to down load that!
During their program practice during the day while I was working Sam got very sad and shut down. It finally hit him what happened. I don’t know how much you can understand death when you are 9. I held Sam while he processed. Papa Tom has a beautiful relationship with all his grand kids.
Because I was so busy during the day I actually didn't cry much. It was around midnight when I finally went to bed that the sadness set in. I sobbed like a baby. It was all too much, the despair was overwhelming and so dark. I began to pray.
While praying I felt God tell me to "speak to your Dad." So I did, I told Dad how much I loved him and how he was a wonderful Dad and I would miss him so much and I said so much more but when I was done I then heard in my mind, "I love you Trishy.' I knew that was Dad. Only Dad calls me that. The peace in the room had taken away all the darkness and I felt so peaceful and I turned over and fell asleep. I never got to say goodbye and I thought I had been ok with that but I really wasn't and God knew that and gave me the opportunity which I'll be forever grateful.
Christmas Eve has always been my favorite part of Christmas. That's when we do most of our traditions and the anticipation of Christmas is always so magical. Now Christmas Eve will be even more special. The Christmas tree will always remind me of my Dad and the sweet baby Jesus who makes it possible that I will see and hug my Dad again.
Because I was so busy during the day I actually didn't cry much. It was around midnight when I finally went to bed that the sadness set in. I sobbed like a baby. It was all too much, the despair was overwhelming and so dark. I began to pray.
While praying I felt God tell me to "speak to your Dad." So I did, I told Dad how much I loved him and how he was a wonderful Dad and I would miss him so much and I said so much more but when I was done I then heard in my mind, "I love you Trishy.' I knew that was Dad. Only Dad calls me that. The peace in the room had taken away all the darkness and I felt so peaceful and I turned over and fell asleep. I never got to say goodbye and I thought I had been ok with that but I really wasn't and God knew that and gave me the opportunity which I'll be forever grateful.
Christmas Eve has always been my favorite part of Christmas. That's when we do most of our traditions and the anticipation of Christmas is always so magical. Now Christmas Eve will be even more special. The Christmas tree will always remind me of my Dad and the sweet baby Jesus who makes it possible that I will see and hug my Dad again.
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